Mother – a poem for my mom

I wrote this poem for a class (Women’s Lives Into Literature) last year about my mom. Today is her birthday, so I thought I should share. I hope you enjoy it.

Mother

It is no wonder

That the first God that we see

Is often our mothers.

We come into the world

Solely dependent upon them.

If she is a good one,

We feel loved.

If she is a bad one,

We crave love.

As we get older,

We separate.

She is no longer

All knowing

Or

Ever present

Or

All good

In fact,

She is often wrong.

We are often at odds.

I don’t know when

I began to despise

My own mother

But

I did.

We were so close

In age.

We grew up together.

But we grew apart.

Always at odds.

I don’t recall the moment

That we stopped fighting.

But we did.

One day, I looked up and we were friends

My mother and I –

I was very surprised.

She wasn’t.

When my daughter had brain surgery,

And began having seizures

In the hospital,

I was there alone.

I sent a text to my mother

To tell her.

I would swear that only fifteen minutes had passed

Although that’s not possible

She was 45 minutes away.

But it was like

She had a super power that day.

When she walked through that hospital door.

Just to be with me

To be a support

And we sat on the couch in the room

My mother and I –

My daughter sedated,

The room quiet

My heart thankful

That this woman

Gave me her strength

And that I could receive it

And as a result

Be strong.

Tenisia Davis – August 2017

New Year – Renewed Spirit

Just a few days into the new year and I am so excited about 2018!

2017 In Review

During the year, there were birthday celebrations, my anniversary and a few family gatherings and weddings. So besides the news and Donald Trump’s tweets, I can say that last year was great and filled with food, family, love, reading and writing. All of my favorite things.

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The year ended with me writing over 50,000 words during Nanowrimo (a first for me) and winning an all expense paid trip to a week long writing workshop in Paris, France!

My husband and I hosted Christmas this year so there was lots of family over; I went to the movies with my mom (Christmas tradition) and my baby got to spend time with her great grandmom.

I spent New Year’s Eve with my family and had the kids write about their year in review and their goals for 2018. My son impressed me so much. His word for 2018 is responsibility!

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2018 Intentions

I’ve read a lot of posts on social media from people who seem to frown on New Year’s resolutions. The thinking is that people throw out resolutions with no real resolve to follow through on them. I think its great that people post their intentions for the year. Even if they don’t see it through at least they gave some thought to their goals/plans for the year. Perhaps accountability can turn wishful thinking into accomplishments.

I have started setting my intentions daily, weekly and monthly. Last year I found that participating in challenges (health, gratitude, writing) really helped me to focus and continue to stay motivated. Of course, there were times that I didn’t follow through but I stayed in the game and kept playing until the end. So whatever helps me to stay on course, that’s what I’m going to do.

I wanted to do 3 writing retreats this year and two of them are already a go. I have a few other plans and intentions for my family, writing and health as well. My vision board is now my screen saver and in addition to my normal planner (Erin Condren Life Planner), I have ordered the Daily Greatness Journal (which seems like a pocket life coach) so that I can continue to be great! Finally, because I just couldn’t find the exact planner that I wanted I have started to create my own. I’m just playing around with it now but I should have a good one by the end of the year. So next year, I won’t have to buy anyone else’s planner.

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I have hidden the logo.

I hope that 2018 has great things in store for you! Any special intentions, resolutions, plans and/or goals you want to share?

 

Trust Your Journey

I once saw a quote from a meme on Instagram before that said to “trust your struggle”. And I filed that in the motivation section of my mental Rolodex.

The past few months have been yet another lesson of adjustment for me where I am repeatedly reminded to Trust My Journey. I left my previous job and became a contractor thinking that I would make good money and could concentrate on writing my “great novel” only to discover that I wasn’t making enough and I really didn’t enjoy what I was doing. So I had to scramble around trying to figure out a new plan. All the while, also dealing with life as a wife and mother and full time graduate student in this new city (2 years and still new to me).

I spend a lot of time being a resource and helping other people but when it comes to my own struggles, I tend to not talk about it (I do write about it) and find ways to keep myself lifted up. When you are a “caretaker” for others, there are times when you need a “caretaker” but you don’t always ask for help. Last Friday, one of my best friends posted on my Facebook wall and said to “Trust Your Journey”. I thought it was nice.

Today, though I realize how necessary that reminder was/is. There are so many valuable experiences, skills, connections and necessary people that we pick up along the Journey that are necessary and valuable to our lives.

Now, I’m not just saying that because this week I was published in my school’s annual publication, had a small feature in our monthly newsletter and won a scholarship to a week long writer’s workshop retreat in Paris, France!! All expenses paid!!

But I was reading an article today about Viet Thanh Nguyen who received the MacArthur genius grant for his novel, The Sympethizer. In the article he talks about how there was no over night success. It took him “20 years to learn how to be a writer”. For him, those 20 years paid off in a big way.

Of course, I’m not there but along with the intrinsic rewards that I get along the way, there are all of these other meaningful journey enhancing moments that keep me moving forward. Little by little. Step by step.

So let my reminder serve as a reminder for you. Whatever your dreams/goals are and whatever the obstacles/challenges you face, trust the journey. And enjoy the ride

Nanowrimo 2017

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So I last year, I started Nanowrimo in November but I only wrote 8764 words before I quit. So I’m giving it a go again this year, but this time I am using the month of October to plan.

I am more of a pantser than a planner and that works for the small projects that I have done for school but I want to try to plan and outline more for this project. This Work in Progress has been in my head for awhile. I have written a few of the characters already in other projects because they hang out in my head just waiting for me to get it right. Hopefully, this is the time!

Daily Prompt – Polish

Today’s prompt from the Daily Word is Polish

The word makes me think of things that are refined, cleaned up. The perfect poem, the perfect essay, song, book. They were all polished by the author and/or editor before reaching the masses.

Ironically, today is also the birthday of Prince, Gwendolyn Brooks and Nikki Giovanni. It can’t be a coincidence that these wonderful people were born today and each touched my life in some way.

They were quite polished.

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Reflections – Research

I was never one to outline. Whenever I attempted to write a novel, I just started writing. Most times, I do a character biography but I never sit down and outline the story. I have a fantasy that the words, the story, the twists and the turns will just come to me as I type.

So far, that hasn’t really worked.

I usually start researching things along the way. Could it really happen this way? Did people talk like that in 1986? What was going on in that town in the 80’s. What was the job market like? How would an arrest and questioning really go? What would child protective services do in the late 80’s in a situation like this one?

I love to research. I am the google queen. This is not up for debate.

The problem is that the research would send me off on these tangents and I would never return to my original intent – finishing the story.

Recently, I did manage to outline the story I’m working on. I know where it’s supposed to go and what I intend to happen. This has been so helpful to me because now when I get lost on a research binge (of course, I still do it) I can pick the story back up and keep on trudging.

I’m a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl. I move according to my feelings. When your head is in the clouds (like mine often lives), it’s helpful to have a road map when I’m on land.

Mother Goose

In my office at work, most people who sit near me look out of the huge windows and watch the always-heavy trafffic on I-90/Kennedy. Today though every one had taken an interest in a certain Mother Goose and her brand new goslings.

The Momma had chosen one of the planter boxes to have her babies. One of the babies ended up going over the edge and landing on the roof. So began the day’s drama.

We all watched as the prodigal gosling walked around and around the planter box. Momma Goose walked around and around inside the box seeming to search for and we imagined to call out for her missing baby.

Eventually, she jumped down and walked next to her baby. Then she would go back up to the others. And so it went. Over and over again. At various times throughout the day, people came and went to look over and check on Momma Goose and her goslings.

At one point, I was away from my desk and I heard a loud and collective gasp and headed back to find that there were now two goslings out of the box!

In the next hour, the remaining two dropped over the edge and made it to the family. When the last gosling made his several attempts, we all cheered him on and everyone was happy once the family was united.

It never ceases to amaze me the way that we bond with animals. Today, I witnessed a hodge podge of co-workers care and cheer for Mother Goose and her goslings. It felt a little spiritual to me. Like I was watching something divine.

Then I came home to find that another young life was taken in my hometown in Michigan and that a young, honor-roll student was shot and killed in Texas today and I thought about the mothers of those two.

Im sitting in the bed now, typing this, and wondering who is caring and cheering for those mothers.

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